PEACE IN MARRIAGE

How Two Made One Stay One

Jan and I recently observed our first anniversary. We celebrated the many ways God has been good to us—not the least of which is the unity we enjoy as husband and wife.

How does a couple made one in marriage stay one over time? Consider these keys for maintaining marital harmony.

One, make oneness a priority (Eph. 4:3). Gospel-shaped people do their best to preserve unity in relationships.

Before Jan and I make any significant decision, we ask one another how it will impact our relationship’s oneness. We decide together.

Two, count oneness a gift (Psalm 133). Don’t take it for granted. Recognize it as a blessing from God. Thank him often for it!

Three, consider oneness a stewardship (1 Cor. 4:2). I use the term “stewardship” often. As a concept, it helps orient me to my various responsibilities. A steward protects and manages the affairs and possessions of another.

In marriage, that involves several things.

First, I pray for our oneness. Jesus modeled this in the way he interceded for his people (John 17:21).

Second, I work for our oneness. Nothing matters more here than watching out for Jan’s interests, not just my own. Philippians 2:3-4 constrains me:

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Let me tell a story on myself (with my wife’s permission of course).

Last Christmas Jan shared with me her desire to have two of her kids and their children over to decorate our tree. It happened to fall on a Saturday—down time for me.

Rather than welcoming the idea, I pushed back. Given the sometimes-exhausting demands of pastoral ministry, I described even extended family involvement as “debit time,” not “credit time.”

In the middle of the conversation, my dear wife suddenly burst into tears, her hand-clasped head collapsing into her lap.

Please understand—Jan gets my need to back off periodically from people-time to refuel. She is dialed in to my interests and needs.

But at that moment last December, God convicted me of a dismal lack of concern for her interests.

She cares deeply about stewarding effectively her relationships with extended family. God has used her to show me some of my deficiencies in this area.

I pledged to regard any further opportunities with both sides of the family as credit-time only. In fact, we plan on coloring eggs this Saturday with one of our grandsons.

How does change like this happen? How can an inherently selfish man like me pray and work for oneness in marriage?

I believe for our oneness.

Believe what? Knowing that only God can transform my patterns in marriage, I trust anew in his power working in me through the gospel of Jesus (Phil. 2:5-11).

The gospel alone empowers two made one to remain one, anniversary after anniversary.

Question: What means do you employ to promote marital oneness?


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